Diabulimia is not officially coined a term in the medical world, but it is used to describe when diabetics, usually type ones omit their insulin (meaning skipping some injections/ taking less insulin for weight loss). Sadly I have done this, and still do from time to time. My A1C is currently in the teens. I check my blood sugar maybe once a day at the most, and I can sometimes go a whole day without taking ANY insulin. I do this ALL because I want to stay skinny. The funny thing is I do this and I’m still overweight, I guess the reason I continue doing this is to maintain my weight and not gain any more. It’s slowly ruining my life. I have no energy, I always feel sick and sometimes I can’t even concentrate in school (which is hard when you’re in your senior year of college and your grades are extremely important.) I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired, which is why I decided recently that it is time for me to get my diabetes under control and get my life back! Diabulimia is extremely common; it’s just that most people don’t like to talk about it. I used to never talk about it and hide it from everyone I knew. Finally opening up and talking about it has made me accept the fact that I do need help to overcome this. If anybody has similar thoughts/ feelings or has suggestions for me, I would love to chat about the issue. Thank you for listening.
This blog is from Kristen. Just to let you all know this blog was supposed to go up last week but it was lost in my spam (very embaressing). This is a topic that many of us know well. So please show Kristen some love and show her she is not alone.
Please take care of yourself. I used to be EXACTLY like you. I’d go for weeks without doing a single BSL and rarely take my insulin all to be skinny. I met a wonderful man and un-expectedly fell pregnant. We were so happy and loved our baby right from day 1. Our baby died at 11 weeks into our pregnancy because my diabetes was so bad! I was a perfect diabetic from the moment i found out that i was pregnant but it was too late. Diabetes can take months to fix and it can be hard work but let me tell you it’s worth it! You might think being skinny is the most important thing in your life now (as i did) but it’s not. What happens when you go blind and cant see your children grow up?? Or you have your legs amputaed and can’t travel like you have always wanted? What hppens when you meet the man of your dreams and you cant have babies?? Or worse, you die from organ failure at 37 (like my uncle did who treated his type 1 diabetes the same way i used to and the way you are now)? If you want any kind of healthy future for yourself (and family and friends) you need to take this disease seriously. It can be easy to live with, you just need to make an effort. I know diabetes is hard! Its shit! But it really is up to you how poorly it effects your life. Please take onboard what i have said. I regret every day the way i treated my body and pray that i do not suffer any more than i already have because of the way i used to live. I lived like that for 8 years and luckily they have detected no permanent damage. Best of luck.
Kristen, thank you for sharing this poignant and honest post. As you mentioned, I agree that opening up about this struggle is a huge step, and I’m so glad you were able to. In case you haven’t – I highly recommend checking out Lee Ann’s blog at http://www.thebuttercompartment.com, she writes a lot about this issue, her personal experiences, and general public attention to the issue. She came to talk to our women’s group about it last year, and I hope if you want to you feel comfortable bringing it up in group. You’re definitely not alone, and I’m around to talk whenever you’d like. Hang in there!!
I’ve personally never dealt with diabulimia but do know of others who have and Katie is correct that Lee Ann is a wonderful person to talk to regarding this topic (or any other for that matter). In the past few years, after putting on weight, the thought has crossed my mind to cut back on insulin in order to lose some, but that’s as far as it goes. I’m petrified of what would happen if I actually did it. And I hope that just by knowing you’re doing damage to your body, you’re taking a step in the right direction. I wish you the best to get through this.
So many of us Ds are compulsive about food and our bodies. How could we not be? Thank you for sharing. Sometimes I think that the emotional root of my D is about controlling my body. This is a struggle because our egos love self sabotage. I’ve been an obsessive eater since I was a child and I still am. I’m trying to allow myself to want what I want and need what I need. Do I fight myself for wanting to be loved? Do I punish myself for that? No, because it’s a natural human need. I shouldn’t fight the need to eat and the need my body has for insulin because it’s a natural human need. But still, we all play the same games, trying to win against ourselves. I guess for me, it’s about loving myself enough to give myself what I need not just what I want.