When a Low Means Your Face is as Red as a Tomato

Written by Caroline.

In solidarity with Annie this week (read her post before mine!), I would also like to rant about lows….the funnier side, anyways.

Ladies and gentlemen, the most embarrassing moment of my life resulted from a low blood sugar.

The scene: I was about to graduate from high school, and was cruising in single gear after breaking up with my boyfriend a couple months before. On the particular day when the gods of shame threw their thunderbolts at me, I was at my church, helping to move out my youth group’s closet.

Maybe it was all the heavy lifting, maybe it was my lunch, who knows– but I started to feel SUPER lightheaded and knew I needed to bolt. I staggered to a corner and tested– sure enough, my BG was 62. I ducked out of church and headed to the Panera located oh-so-conveniently across the street.

Confession: I am really bad at just getting a tiny carton of juice or a few glucose tabs when I’m low. My blood sugar crashes, and it feels like every molecule in my body is shrieking, “FEED ME! NOW, BIZATCH! DO IT! OM NOM NOMMMMMMMMM MORE!” And they keep doing so until I snap out of it and realize that I have snarfed down a bag of Skittles, Pop-Tarts, and two containers of yogurt. (I know this is a problem that many diabetics face….I am just especially voracious.) So instead of hiding in the church kitchen with a cup of lemonade, I staggered into Panera and ordered a bagel. And then I got a smoothie, just in case. I started gnawing on the bagel while I waited for them to whip up the smoothie, when I looked around the cafe and spotted….my ex-boyfriend.

Now, we were fine friends, so upon getting my smoothie I drifted over to the couch he was sitting on and plopped next to him. “Hi, Plato*” I said. He said hello. I slurped my smoothie. And then I saw a classmate of ours– a girl we shall call Athena* – approach with a tray. I knew her, but only vaguely. She looked at the two of us. I said hi. She sat down in the chair next to Plato.

I asked them about finals, and so we got to talking about the end of the school year. I, the senior amongst two underclassmen, yammered away about how excited I was to graduate and head off to college. I can barely remember what we talked about….I just know that I could not shut up. I was talking talking talking while steadily working through all 60 carbs of that bagel. Athena, on the other hand, ate very quickly, then stood up with her tray. “Bye, Plato,” she said. “Um…see you later?”

“Yeah,” Plato replied. They waved awkwardly and she left. He departed shortly afterwards, not making eye contact with me as he left.

So there I was, sitting on the couch alone, still working on my honeydew smoothie. I could feel my mental faculties returning to me. And all of a sudden– I swear, it was like a half ton of bricks had instantly been lobbed at my head– I thought:

OH MY GOD, DID I JUST CRASH SOMEBODY’S DATE?!

MY EX-BOYFRIEND’S DATE?!?!

Yes. It is true. Upon repeated harassment on AIM, my ex confirmed it for me. Hypoglycemia, thrown on top of my normal social ineptitude, led me to cause…a three-car pileup of romantic awkward!

I am happy to report that it did not curse their relationship, and that the two of them ended up getting together. I think the only lasting damage was to my ego.

Dear d-friends, have YOU ever done anything particular cringeworthy and/or hilarious while low?

*Names changed to protect anonymity. And to have some fun.