Dare I dream

Last night I had a very vivid, very beautiful dream. I dreamt that I was at the doctor’s office with Greg and we were waiting on test results. We seemed very nervous and very tense. We sat in the waiting room talking about what we would do first if “it” was true. Finally my Endo came out and called us into his office. He said he was very excited to tell us that my blood was “normal” and all the “Bugs and Creepy Crawlies” were gone.

Greg and I jumped up and hugged, then we hugged my doctor and his secretary and whooped and hollered with excitement. My doctor than explained that we needed to realize that while I was normal I would now have to learn all over again what being a Diabetic meant and relearn how to care for myself.

I woke up confused about the dream and whether it was a dream at all. That happens to me quite often. I wake up and can’t recall if my dream was indeed a dream or a memory from yesterday. I knew it was not a memory as I recalled the odd terms my doctor and I used. Calling me “normal” and telling me my “Bugs” were gone, just didn’t jibe with reality as I know it.

After some careful thought I realized the dream was about my situation righting itself. The “Bugs and Creepy Crawlies” were the Antibodies and the Gastroparesis. My excitement was the idea I could live a normal diabetic life from now. Mind you, I know there is nothing “normal” about Diabetes. Still, my life with this disease is very abnormal and very hard to handle.

I thought about the end of the dream, realizing how much truth it held. If the antibodies and GP were to go away or be cured, I would have to relearn life as a Diabetic. Because of these two complications I do not live like most Diabetics. I cannot take insulin before I eat, or if I do it’s very rare and it’s never a full estimated dose. I do not wait two hours to after meals before I test. I cannot just take a correction bolus when my sugar is high. I can’t sleep a whole night without waking to test. I cannot always stop eating when I am full. I cannot always sleep when I am tired. I can not rely on an A1c to tell me how I am doing at caring for myself. I do not live like other Diabetics because my body is not like other Diabetic’s bodies. There is no how to instructions or informational pamphlet for my problems.

Will I go back to being like other Diabetics one day? Will I get nervous about an A1c test ever again? Will I be able to follow the 15/15 rule? Will I not have to explain my complications to others while they stare at me like I am nuts? Dare I dream? Yeah, I think I will. Hope never hurt nobody