Endo Fear

This post is by Stacey – read her bio here!

I have an appointment with my endocrinologist this afternoon.  Nothing out of the ordinary, just my usual 3 month “check up”.  And I’m nervous as usual too.  If I had to estimate, I’d say I’ve been to see the endo or diabetes educator or registered nurse or dietician close to 300 times over the past 27 years.  That’s a lot isn’t it?  You would think I’d be comfortable going and know what to expect right?  Well I’m not.  It has nothing to do with my endo either …. I’ve been seeing her for about 10 years and I actually really like her.  But that doesn’t help calm my fears of what could possibly be told to me during my appointment.  When I was younger, teenager or young adult, my nervousness came from not being totally honest about my management (yes I admit that now and wish I could take it back if I could). But now that I’ve buckled down and am managing the way I should be, my nervousness is no less. Especially since lowering my a1c has been an enormous struggle over the past 3 years, I almost don’t want to know what it is.  That would only confirm my feeling that I’m doing what I have to and can do to lower my a1c for no reason.  I’ve been so fortunate – wait fortunate isn’t even the right word – blessed to not really have any complications after all these years.  How long can that last?  That is what I am afraid of most.  That one day I go in for a “check up” and it turns out to be so much more.  So much worse.  This is what I struggle with sitting in that chair waiting for them to call me into the exam room.  I’m really hoping that today will not be one of those appointments that turn bad …. I’m hoping we’ll discuss trying apidra to curb these highs I’ve been experiencing lately, that she’ll give me any prescriptions I’m in need of, she’ll make any suggestions I’m open to hearing and I’ll be on my merry, diabetic way.  Until next time.