I don’t think any of us are strangers to this, I just didn’t think it would happen for me so quickly. I feel annoyed at myself for feeling this way in the short amount of time I’ve had diabetes. Lately, I don’t want to test, don’t want to take my insulin, don’t care what I eat. I’m just going through the motions. This morning, I had a blueberry muffin and hot chocolate for breakfast! Gasp! And it felt good to have it too! Although now I’m paying for it with a high blood glucose. I don’t know why I do this since I only hurt myself in the long run. It doesn’t help that I’m sick with a cold, which also tends to spike my numbers high anyway.
I think I am just having a pity party for myself. I know it could be much worse but I do feel that a chronic illness managed multiple times a day just wears down on you after a while. Just the fact that there is no break, not even the luxury of one day without having to bolus. I think to myself sometimes wow, I have possibly 30-40 years of this to look forward to and it just really sucks. I know this sounds horrible but one positive thing about dying is that I won’t have to deal with this anymore. (Don’t get alarmed people, this is just my natural debbie downer self talking.)
I probably need to read that Diabetes Burnout book, or go to the next support group to get back in the saddle.
I’m sorry you’re feeling so burned out Gen
We all go through this from time to time but we do need to get back on the saddle otherwise unfortunately our health suffers. You can do it though! You just have to remind yourself of that 
And there’s nothing wrong with having a muffin and hot chocolate for breakfast …. I enjoy a muffin or a bagel for breakfast now and then. With a side of insulin of course!
Okay, first? Don’t beat yourself up about it. It’s only natural to feel burnt out, and probably everyone feels it to some extent (especially those of you diagnosed later in life who remember life before you had to worry about any of this.) I was diagnosed when I was 2, so I don’t know any other way of life and I don’t really feel burnt out by diabetes, but I get the same thing when it comes to exercise…I do great for awhile, and then I think holy cr&#, do I really have to keep this up for the rest of my life? And then, I (temporarily) give up.
The important thing is just to recognize that’s going to happen every once in awhile. Accept that you’ve messed up for a day or two without beating yourself up about it, and then make yourself do better the next day. And try not to think of the long-haul, because thinking about years and years of this is inevitably going to feel overwhelming. (Like I said, I go through the same thing with exercise, and I think it’s an AA thing too, to just deal with one day at a time.) When you wake up tomorrow, tell yourself you’re going to do things right for that one day. Then do the same thing the next day. And I guarantee, it’ll get easier eventually, when it all just becomes as routine as breathing.
(Also, when you want cocoa and a muffin, go for it! They’re completely do-able as long as you bolus correctly for them…I have muffins all the time, and rarely go high. Diet cocoa is really quite good, too–even the Swiss Miss packets. And when I want to be fancy
I make my own with Stevia, and cocoa powder…It’s really just as good as the regular stuff.)
I completely agree with what’s been said above. Especially that being dx later in life gives you more of a before/after diabetes sense that makes this harder to keep up with. And that diet cocoa tastes pretty good..!
Also Gen, I know it’s hard to see yourself slip when you’ve made so much progress, but try to remember how far you’ve come in such a short time! In the less than a year that I’ve known you I’ve seen you become so much more accepting and pro-active about managing your diabetes and it’s really impressive. This is just a small set back and I’m sure you can ‘get back on the saddle’ – and if that means you come to group on Tuesday that is great for the rest of us too! Also – I have copy of the burnout book but it’s on loan to someone – want to borrow it next?
Easier said than done, but try to go easy on yourself, we all go through these periods. And remember how you haven’t had much time to adjust to taking over for your pancreas but are already doing so AND helping other people do the same.
I fourth what everyone else has said. We all slip. We all go through periods of pity and guilt. Forgive yourself, move on, and take each day at a time. Try to set a goal for yourself and work towards that goal. It’s way easier than thinking about “making sure you are around for a long time” or “preventing side-effects”. You can do it. Don’t stress. I know it’s tough though, but know you are not alone, and we all feel that way at times. =)
[...] that different from most days of a type 1 on MDI’s. I’m with you Gen – how couldn’t we burn out from time to time with schedules like this that are merely side jobs to our fulltime jobs, yet count [...]
Thank you so much for the words of encouragement! I really needed to hear it. I think sometimes you become an island and think you are the only one going through this.
I’ve experienced a diabetes burnout! It’s normal. Sending you hugs, prayers and good vibes:) I know you’ll over come it:)