Post by Tina – read her bio here!
Last Wednesday, Greg and I headed out to Southold. His dad rents a house out there for a month every summer. It really is a great time. Not too far from home, but far enough to feel like you went away.
We went out to some wineries, dinner and a movie on Saturday night. I really should have changed my site that morning but I hoped I would be able to get through to the next morning. Well dinner was carb laden and stopping for ice cream on the way home didn’t help much either.
So when we got back to the house I went into my large bag of supplies and medication. I gathered up my inserter, a reservoir, an infusion set and then my… “oh shit! Where are the two bottles of insulin I packed?” I was frantic now. I went through our bags three times and looked under the bed. It just wasn’t there.
OK panic was beginning to set in now. I went up and told Greg and his cousin that I was without enough insulin to get through the night in my pump and maybe 30 units in my open bottle.
Of course Greg told me to stay calm. They then rechecked everywhere I had already looked and tore apart the car. No dice.
We went about trying to reach his brother and wife who were at a wedding closer to home. If they could go to our house and grab some before heading back out by us it would be great. Even if they couldn’t we could call my endo from the nearest pharmacy the next day and get a script sent. Hell worst came to worst we could just drive home in the morning and get it ourselves.
I knew I wasn’t in dire, immediate need. I knew a solution would be found. So why couldn’t I stop crying? I really didn’t know the answer right away. Then it hit me…
I hate this damned disease! I hate that panic sets in at thought of not having or running low on my life elixir aka insulin!
Everyone kept saying “don’t worry”, “don’t panic”, “everything will be fine”. Didn’t they see? It will never be fine; I will never be able to not worry about it!
Please do not think I go around feeling sorry for myself. I don’t. Sometimes it just hits you. I will always be an “ACT1″. Of course there could come the day when a cure is found. However I put as much stock in that as I do me hitting lotto one day.
Ya know it does suck that we have to rely on so many things in order to not only remain "healthy" but to live. And you are allowed those moments to cry about it … we all need to do it sometimes. But I hope by now you are stocked up on insulin and enjoying the rest of your trip!
Tina, it's so good for everyone that you expressed yourself so honestly and forthrightly. I'm very sorry you had that terrible time of panic, but by blogging about it, you do something valuable in connecting with fellow-sufferers. So thank you so much.
And now tell us: how did the story end?
I definitely have days like that… when something like an insulin scare makes me realize my dependency and therefore vulnerability. And it does hit you like something new …
I hope everything turned out okay, Tina!
[...] I think we can all feel the fear of being in Amanda’s place and the knowledge that we could be one crisis, one policy, one more diagnosis away from desperation for our “life elixir.” [...]