Blame It On Mr. Hyde

This post is by Tina – read her bio here!

Have you ever seen one of those movies where they tell the story from more than one perspective? People always live in their own reality. He said/She said. It’s normal, no two people ever see things exactly the same. I realize that and I am fine with it. What I am not fine with, is when my hypoglycemia skews my reality to the point of hallucinations.

It has happened more than once in the last 15 years. I have seen Greg as a 10 story tall, anime character trying to stab me with a giant knife. In reality he was trying to give me a Glucagon. During the Christmas holidays I had a low that made me  swear my sister had slapped me around and no one told her to stop. In reality I was throwing my glucometer across a room and refused to test and screamed at Greg that he was mean. Not fun for anyone involved. Still everyone knew why I was acting like this. Tonight though, my alter ego, my Mr Hyde (aka Hypoglycemia), if you will, hurt someone that I love dearly.

First, my reality:

I remember watching TV and I was sitting on my bed kissing Greg. Suddenly, he shoves me away and says “Why would I want to kiss a cow? You are such a stupid cow!” I was shocked and angry and most of all, hurt. Why would he say this and why was he repeating it over and over? I remember that I started yelling at him, what I said is not clear.

Then I remember I was suddenly in the kitchen near the stove. The microwave was on and there was water boiling on the stove. I looked in the microwave to find Eggplant Rollatini. I guess Greg decided to heat up some dinner for us. Greg came into the kitchen and I asked him if the Rollatini was for me. “I guess so, I didn’t put it in there, he said.”

So eventually he came back in and I informed him that I thought my sugar might be low. I had literally inhaled the food. Again he looked at me quizzically and said “Yeah, 37. Do you not remember testing downstairs?” From here I start trying to put things together with Greg’s help.

Reality:

 I was trying to download Photoshop and was having trouble. Greg offered to just buy it for me. My reaction “Screw you I can download it!” From there it seems things got worse. Greg was pissed that I was being such a bitch, so he had his share of choice words for me too. However he never said that I was a cow or anything resembling it, even remotely. It seems I got worse and told him “you make me sick!” Ouch, that I could see from the look on his face really hurt him. I obviously was not showing any signs of being low.

He said that he came down later and I was typing away, but moaning. At first he thought I was fine, but the moaning continued. He asked if I wanted a juice box or to test my BS. I responded that he was an “ass” or some such thing equally cruel. So now he knew I was low. He got me to drink a juice box  (which I made him take when I was done drinking it because it was “too heavy”) I finally tested and was 37. After a while, I went up to put water on for something to eat.

Of course, this is why I found the Rollatini in the microwave, I put it there. From here our realities come together. The worst of the low was over. I felt better physically but horrible emotionally. I would never tell Greg that he makes me sick, at least not when I am not out of my mind. If anything he does the opposite. I love this man with all that I am. I hate that when my sugar is too low or high I turn into a monster. I liken it to Schizophrenia. I seem to always be under attack by someone when this happens.

This topic has come up many times in the Myspace Diabetes Chat Rooms. It is very heartening to see that so many others have gone through this too. Of course this is not true for everyone. All I can say, is if you have never experienced this, thank your lucky stars. As for those I have hurt mentally or emotionally when I go through this, I am so sorry. I wish I could tell you it will never happen again but I doubt Mr Hyde is going anywhere, anytime soon.