Fear of being alone

This post is by Coral – read her bio here!

I am really starting to enjoy this whole blogging thing. Like my mother (“mama”) commented in my last (and first) post, I hate to write. I’m a numbers girl. Give me differential equations and I’ll go to town. Ask me to compare literature and I’ll kindly reply with, “No thank you. You can keep that.” But there is something about being able to reflect on one’s self and reflect on living with diabetes that it actually rather therapeutic.

So that is what brings me to today’s topic – my fear of being alone.

I know what you’re thinking… But, this is not a blog about not being able to find a good man (or woman) in New York City. This is not about dating or relationships at all. This is about my fear of being alone at the wrong time with diabetes. I have met so many people recently who are completely happy being alone and don’t think twice about it. Going out to eat at a restaurant and going to see a movie are regular activities for them. If they can afford it, they would much rather live in a one bedroom apt alone… than have three roommates in a huge flat. I even know people who take vacations alone all the time and have so much fun.

I don’t know if I could do that. I think I would be too afraid.

I have a fear of being alone like arachnophobic people fear spiders or like acrophobic people fear heights. (Ok, so maybe not as extreme as a phobia, but still a legitimate concern!). Anyway, I try to avoid being alone for extended periods of time.

As a child, I was the last one of my siblings to get their own room. Not because there wasn’t space, but because I would rather sleep in the top bunk of my brother’s bed or, my favorite place, my parents’ bed when my dad had to go to work at midnight delivering news papers. I would wait for him to leave and crawl into bed with my mom.

Luckily, I grew out of that in my adult years (I’m sure my friends appreciate it). However, this idea of loneliness took another form when I started living with diabetes. Although I do not need to share a room anymore, I cannot stand the thought of living in an apt or a house by myself without roommates.

This is horrible sounding, and you have every right to call me dramatic, but one of my biggest fears in life is going to sleep at night and not being able to wake up to treat a low blood sugar, or making it to the kitchen but not being able to pour juice into a cup or chew on sugar tablets. (Yes, sounds awful and dramatic).

That is why I am fearful of being alone.

Luckily I was born into a warm and caring family that looks out for each other no matter what, and over the years in life I have developed incredible friendships with people who I love and love me unconditionally.(My roommates just informed me that I need to go buy a foghorn now so that I can wake them up in the middle of the night I need to.) Because of all of you, I know that I will never be alone. I am always safe : )